


Unending

by randomdestielfangirl



Series: Season 12 coda fics [10]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel & Sam Winchester Friendship, Cuddling & Snuggling, Episode: s12e12 Stuck In The Middle (With You), I mean this is Dean, Love Confessions, M/M, Platonic Romance, Post-Episode: s12e12 Stuck In The Middle (With You), Season/Series 12, Sharing a Bed, but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 05:35:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9977261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomdestielfangirl/pseuds/randomdestielfangirl
Summary: Castiel slumps in his seat, his forehead resting on the glass. The numbness is creeping as he watches Dean disappear in a cloud of dust - the enormity of what had just happened, of what he had just saidout loudslowly hitting him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta-read. All mistakes are mine. Sorry for the enormous delay with this one.

_ I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times… _

_ In life after life, in age after age, forever. _

_ My spellbound heart has made and remade the necklace of songs, _

_ That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms, _

_ In life after life, in age after age, forever. _

 

* * *

 

“I don’t think you should be driving, Cas.” Sam’s voice is gentle as he opens the door, gesturing for Castiel to sit. 

Castiel hesitates, but nods in agreement, fumbling for the keys of his truck. There’s a clanging noise from behind them as Dean tosses the pieces of Michael’s lance into the boot before slamming it shut. 

“I’ll drive it back,” Dean says stiffly, snatching them from Castiel’s hands. He hands the Impala's keys to Sam, striding toward the truck without so much as a backward glance. 

Sam lets out an irritated huff, chivying Castiel into the car before heading towards Mary. The Impala is cold, and Castiel shivers a little as he slumps in his seat, his forehead resting on the glass. The numbness is creeping as he watches Dean disappear in a cloud of dust - the enormity of what had just happened, of what he had just said _ out loud _ slowly hitting him. 

No wonder Dean couldn’t wait to leave. 

He watches Sam hug Mary briefly before she heads toward her own car. She waves at Castiel and Sam as she’s pulling away, her smile strained. 

“You okay Cas?” Sam asks him, as he turns the key in the ignition. He sounds distracted, the corners of his mouth turned down as he waves back at his mother.  

Castiel closes his eyes.

“I’m fine.”

+

He is not surprised when he sees that Dean’s already home and asleep by the time they reach the bunker. But then again, Dean has very impressive bladder control.

“I need to crash,” Sam yawns. “Are you sure you are okay though?”

“I’m fine,” he says, looking down at his bloodstained outfit. “Perhaps I’ll have a shower.”

Sam smiles wearily at him before unexpectedly drawing him close, his long arms wrapping firmly around Castiel’s shoulders. Sam is warm, and his presence so comforting that Castiel exhales, the tension in his body easing.  

“Go to sleep,” Sam says as he pulls away, clapping Castiel on the shoulder. “We can get to the Kelly business in the morning.”

Castiel smiles and nods. 

He makes his way to his own room, retrieving a robe before heading to the showers. Dean had given it to him a couple of months ago, tossing a full bag of clothes with a nonchalant  _ ‘picked them up at the local goodwill, you’ll need something other than that suit when you’re staying here’ _ . Most of it looked brand new, some still with tags on, so he doubted it was the case. Nonetheless, he had put them away dutifully in his room, where they sat gathering dust. 

He sets the water to scalding hot, scrubbing away the blood, the lingering traces of the poison on his skin. The pipes creak and groan, and Castiel finds himself slumping against the wall, the water thundering around his ears. He wonders if he ought to leave now, try and find Crowley or Rowena, ask them if they’ve heard about Kelly. 

It’s an excuse to run away from the consequences of what he said earlier, but he doesn’t think he can deal with Dean ignoring him all over again, walking past him as though he were invisible. Or what’s probably worse, Dean squirming in his presence, feeling obligated to be nice to Castiel, all because of his completely unwanted and unexpected unburdening of feelings. 

He should go. 

Gathering up his bloodstained garments, he heads toward his room. It is a nice room, plain and comfortable, but Castiel has never felt like he belonged in it. He changes into an old flannel shirt of Dean’s and a pair of jeans from the pile in his wardrobe. The shirt’s a bit tight across his chest, but it’s warm and soft and still smells like Dean. 

The bunker is eerily silent as he creeps through the corridors, duffel bag packed with his soiled clothes. He could get them cleaned on the way. With his Grace diminished, he’s had to do this very often, sitting alone in laundromats in the middle of the night, flipping through old newspapers or magazines people leave behind. 

He ought to head straight to his truck, but something makes him go toward Dean’s room instead. He’s lost count of the number of times he’s found himself like this, hand on Dean’s doorknob, trying to find the courage to turn it and step inside. 

Tonight however, is a different story. A low, pained sound issues from within, and before he knows it Castiel has dropped his bag at the threshold and thrown open the door. Dean is curled into himself, sheets kicked aside, whimpering. Castiel strides toward him, dropping to his knees and gently touching Dean’s forehead, infusing a bit of his grace to soothe the nightmare. 

“Cas.” Dean’s eyes fly open with a gasp, his irises rimmed with red. 

“I’m here,” Castiel says gently, “it was just a nightmare.”

“No,” Dean babbles, his hands clawing at Cas’s shoulder painfully. 

Castiel hesitates before crawling a little closer, giving Dean an awkward one-armed hug. He’s not sure if Dean is even truly awake, wondering if he’s overstepping his boundaries. Dean’s trembling convulsively underneath his fingers, and his cheeks are wet against Castiel’s face. 

“Don’t go Cas please please please...” Dean whimpers, tugging at him again. 

Castiel pushes Dean away gently, ignoring the pained sound the man makes, toeing off his shoes. He crawls into bed and gathers Dean close to him again. Dean doesn’t fight him, shuddering as Castiel rubs circles against his back. 

He begins to talk. He whispers to Dean, babbling nonsense about the stars and oceans, rocks and volcanoes. Dean sighs after a while, squirming closer into Castiel’s hold, his warm breath near Castiel’s throat.

An hour or so passes before Castiel stops talking, confident that Dean’s asleep again. He pulls away a little to press his lips gently to Dean’s forehead. It’s a clandestine thing, something he wouldn’t have dared to do if Dean was awake and his usual self. 

“Cas?” Dean whispers, his eyes still closed, nosing at Castiel’s jaw. Castiel freezes. Not exactly asleep then. 

“Yes, Dean?”

“Thought I was going to lose you,” Dean says softly, “throwing up black goo all over again, and saying all those things, the goodbyes...”

“I…” Castiel begins, but Dean’s shaking his head and tightening his arms around Castiel. 

“You know I...” Dean says, so low Castiel has to strain to make out his ensuing words, “I do too. I feel the same way ummm… about you. You know, right?”

Castiel feels his heart catch in his throat, unexpected tears rising to his eyes.

“No, I didn’t know,” he’s still not sure if Dean’s going to pretend not to remember this entire conversation tomorrow, but he’ll take these half-said promises for the diamonds they are. 

Dean huffs, pressing a light kiss to Castiel’s jaw.

“Well I do.”

Castiel smiles.

“I’ll take your word for it.”

Dean snorts against his skin, his hair ruffling Castiel’s cheek.

“Stay?”

“Of course.”

“Not just…” Dean burrows even closer, “for always.”

Castiel blinks down at him, his surprise at the request making him speechless for a minute. The glowing feeling in his heart spreads.

“Always, Dean.” 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Poem and title from Tagore's 'Unending love'.


End file.
